almost 1 year

alan is 11 months old now.  he's lost a bit of weight recently.  can't say i'm not worried.

what would you do?

a big "thank you" to people who left comments on my last post.  i was very depressed when i wrote it.  not because of what the in-law said, but because my husband didn't understand me - not only didn't he say anything to make me feel better after the event, he cold-wared me because according to him, i shouldn't talk back when his mother was yelling at me and calling me names (rat, whore etc...)

i'm curious though, what would you do when your in-law yell at you and call you names?  and when she's doing it non-stop, keeps on going on and on when you try to stay calm.

what the hell

Brandy said she could not imagine how hard it was being knee deep in a culture that does have many people doing what I do.  She was wrong.  I wasn't "knee-deep".  This culture that considers stay-at-home moms worthless is all the way up to my eye brows.  I feel I may die any time.  But then, I have to survive, I have to live on.  My baby is so small.

My so-called "mother-in-law" labelled me a rat today.  Because I do not work, I do not earn an income.  According to her, all I do is sleep and eat - eating through her son's hard-earned money.  She said I was worthless, useless and all I ever contributed was birthed a son, which any women could do anyway.  She said that had I not met his son, who knew what "thing" I'd become.  She said I wasn't any good to his son.

thank god day

on the 26th december 2010, (the west's boxing day, although we didn't celebrate here in china, and we didn't have any presents to unwrap), we went to the huangdaxian temple to thank the gods for their blessing in year 2010.  it's bryan's family tradition.  his mom does it every year.  since we were in china this year, we went along, too.

this is me on the steps leading to the main building.

and here's alan and his mom in front of the main building.

can you see the big incense burners behind alan in the far background?

bryan and his younger sister, praying.

i'm not sure what these red stripes are for.  good luck, most likely.

okay, that's it for the day.

5 teeth and others

in the past months, alan has learnt to do the following:

• point at people and things with his index finger;
• ask you to pay attention to him or pick up things for him with his index finger and making the "ah, ah, er, er" sound;
• scream when he doesn't get what he wants, especially at his dad and parental grandma;
• pretend to poo - sometimes he tries so hard to make it look real that a drop of poo would be squeezed out;
• cover his face with a blanket to play hide and seek.

and right now he's growing his fifth teeth.

this afternoon, we're going to our 2nd early education class.  and we're getting a vaccination and our monthly health check, too.  alan didn't cry, didn't even blink his eyes during last vaccination, let's see if he can keep it up.

retail therapy

i was feeling quite depressed, as i whined in my last post, so i decided to get some retail therapy yesterday.

i haven't shopped for ... i can't even remember how long.  i don't particularly enjoy walking from shop to shop, i get tired easily, and i don't like spending my hard-earned money either.  all in all, i'm not the typical girl who likes shopping.

but i needed to feel good.  i needed to do something for myself.  so i bought: 2 pairs of shoes (and got the 3rd pair for free), 1 set of pyjamas, 1 pair of pants, 1 pair of denim shorts, and 1 knitted cardigan.

the above is my first pair of shoes from united nude, which is called "helix lo".

and this is a pair of "block pump mid" in the light pink.

i wanted to get a pair of the "eamz pump", but they were all a bit too high, and not as practical if i was to run after alan in them (yes, i had this mind when choosing shoes).

and i got this third pair for free.  the shoes were not cheap, but well, let me forget about the price tag for once, please!

this is the cropped cardigan.  there're a few different ways to wear the collar and the knitted belt.  oh, the sleeves are full-length, but i just folded it when i wore it this morning because it was quite warm outside.

the pyjamas, pants and shorts are still eagerly awaiting for their turn to get some photo shoots.

am i too greedy?

being a mom 24/7 sometimes feels a bit too full-on.  well, i do feel guilty saying this out loud.  but i think it's healthier to be honest with myself instead of burying my them.

i have to consider what's best for my baby in everything i do, in every decision i make.  i can no longer run out the door during a fight with my husband, i cannot even shut the door to express my anger.  i have to live in my in-law's apartment against my wish because it's best my baby see his dad everyday...

sometimes i feel really really down.  i can't help it.  i hate living in this messy apartment, i hate not having my own space.  i do not even have a "home"!

but every time i point this out, bryan says, "you have such a good baby, you should be happy enough, you should be content.  what more do you want?"

yes, i am more than happy about my baby.  he's the best baby in the world.  but i am still an individual, am i not?

if i don't have alan, i wouldn't even give it a blink to break up with bryan when he forced me to live under others' roof.

i want to have my own home.  i do NOT want to live with in-laws.  i want to live in a better and cleaner apartment.  i want to toilet train my baby with a pedestal toilet and not a squatting type one...

and yet, am i too greedy?