being a mom 24/7 sometimes feels a bit too full-on. well, i do feel guilty saying this out loud. but i think it's healthier to be honest with myself instead of burying my them.
i have to consider what's best for my baby in everything i do, in every decision i make. i can no longer run out the door during a fight with my husband, i cannot even shut the door to express my anger. i have to live in my in-law's apartment against my wish because it's best my baby see his dad everyday...
sometimes i feel really really down. i can't help it. i hate living in this messy apartment, i hate not having my own space. i do not even have a "home"!
but every time i point this out, bryan says, "you have such a good baby, you should be happy enough, you should be content. what more do you want?"
yes, i am more than happy about my baby. he's the best baby in the world. but i am still an individual, am i not?
if i don't have alan, i wouldn't even give it a blink to break up with bryan when he forced me to live under others' roof.
i want to have my own home. i do NOT want to live with in-laws. i want to live in a better and cleaner apartment. i want to toilet train my baby with a pedestal toilet and not a squatting type one...
and yet, am i too greedy?
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